Every day I wake up, to see a new day, yet it is as similar as yesterday. No, there is nothing new to wake up for, nothing new to get up from the leisure pleasure of my bed and go to work. I am an unemployed professional who is mentally decaying every passing day.
I like to read, I like to be me. Gradually that me is being lost to depression. Anxiety is taking upon me as if a dark cloud devours the sky of a city used to of the scorching heat of Summer's blazing Sun through out the year. What did I do wrong with my life? Other than experimenting with in between jobs, and a degree in a field where I don't feel myself home to. A profession that is distorted for me, and a hobby of writing that I really feel to suck at.
Writer's are the custodians of creativity, they fashion things out of nothing. When it comes to me, I am just a failure exasperating how poor I am, at the very thing people consider me to be good at.
What is the purpose of life? This wretched, meaningfully meaningless longing of day in and day out, why doesn't it relief me? Why doesn't it ease me? I am a wanderer, who has been caged due to my restrictions, and lack of opportunities to have a better life.
I am someone who acts tough on the outside, yet is not so on the inside. Rather I prefer things to be simpler, easier, and comforting. Yet, I rebel against myself and do all the things that I know are going to be wrong for me.
Every other day, is same as this day. Yet, I live to see it over and over again. Being lazy, not creative enough to be something in life, lacking ideas, scarce thoughts, and a mind that believes it is consistently overwhelmed by the restless heart.
Figuratively, I do believe I am haunted by demons. We don't have to feel a demonic possession to be physical or part of everyone's reality. It doesn't have to. This possession is the haunting of our own demons. Those who hide inside the darkest of our thoughts. Fear, unknown to them, and the anger I experience, being crushed by them.
Today, as expected was to be the same day as yesterday. But unlikely I expected things to change. Fortune of faith they did change. I am closer to making choices that were never unheard of. As I fall deeper down the pits of my own darkness, things of this world seem to have fade away. As I fall deeper, I realize the realization, how come have I not chased things in life that were worth meaningful pleasure? If they didn't cause me pleasure, they could have caused them joy who were near me. Now it has been late, I am standing on a road that leads to my own doom. My own downfall. As I foretold myself how it may end. Now it is going to be true.
